When having a platform scares the crap out of you…..

Here I am 9 years into blogging and almost 3 years into my YouTube journey.   Over those years I have consistently reached more and more people.  While a number is just that…. a number, the people behind that number I think about often.  Over 30,000 of you on Youtube and 25,000 between Instagram and Facebook have decided that what I have to share and contribute is worth you taking a bit of your day to read or watch.  And that, well thinking about that is what started my pull back.  I am sure most of you are busy people.  Mostly moms, and a lot of you have young children like me.  That 5 minutes of reading what I have to say started to scare me. That is valuable time you are spending on....me.  It wasn’t that I was oversharing, or being to personal.  It wasn’t even those annoying “haters” who just have to comment about our food, or my messy house, or how I care for my children.  what scares me is the fact that your time is precious to you, or at least it should be….. and you are deciding to spend it with me.  

  Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that.  I wish we could all be BFF’s and go to lunch and chat for hours…. but my thought immediately goes to being transparent while still protecting my personal space and family.  I want you to see that our life isn’t perfect.  I want to share about our hard times and the fact that I DO NOT have it all together. 
 
But that is HARD.  

Being judged is HARD
 
Admitting your house is a disaster is HARD.  

Telling thousands of people who most likely started following you because of your organized, put together life intrigued them is the HARDEST

 The fact is, I have changed.  My homework station is non-exsistent, my closets are a mess, my routines are all over the place, my meals are out of a box, my life is chaos…. 

A happy, amazing, wonderful, full of energy chaos.  

Seeing the transition start to happen wasn’t easy for me.  Seeing it play out on camera was even harder…. But you know what,  It’s our story…. it’s my story.  As a woman, mother and housewife.  

So I will continue to share it.

The truth is, our family is happier than ever. Our schedules may be busy, but we get to spend so much time with the people we love.  We are on the go which means most nights dinner is not something I have been slaving over for hours.  Our life used to be so routine, so.....bland.  Is bland bad, no not at all.  When our children were little bland worked, bland is what kept me sane.  It is so true that there are seasons to life and right now our just is extra spicy :)  

How will I continue to share?  That I am still trying to figure out.  I pulled back because I was afraid I was portraying myself as a supermom when that is far from what I feel like.  I felt..... FAKE.  My real life friends see my messy house, heck their kids help make the mess...lol.  They see my toddler throw a fit over cookies.  They see me choose going out over cooking for my family.  The see me.  The real me, and I don't think it's fair to not share that with all of you.  I am not ashamed of it in real life, so why would I be ashamed of my laundry piles and messy van online?

35 comments:

  1. I totally understand the decision of what to share and what not to share. I have to think through that every time I post. However although I love your organizing tips and tricks.... I like them because you're real. You're not fake and you tell it like it is. Hoping you can find your new groove. I am one of those "natural crunchy mamas", but absolutely no judgement here. I celebrate our differences and I just like you for you. Hoping to see more of you online, no matter what you share :) - elizabeth

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    1. This blogging thing felt really good! So I may do it more often. Thank you so much for your comment!

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  2. Thank you for being so real. You've been very inspiring to me, and I continue to look forward to anything you feel led to share. #reallifeistough #momsjobisneverfinished

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  3. Good on you Samantha for being real. I started to follow you two years ago as I loved your personality your kids. your family love of time together.if you share that in what ever way you feel ok with. thats ok you dont have to share all the time do whats right you you at the time on any day that is real life also.

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  4. You are so sweet! I miss you on YouTube and Periscope, but being with your family and friends is what most important. Take as much time as you need, and if you don't ever make another video, that's okay, you have your priorities in order. Everyone has a messy house and if they say they don't their hiding something. Enjoy your kids, especially while they're young, they grow so fast. Enjoy baseball season.

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    1. Thank you! I am hoping I can get back into my groove of sharing more, I really do miss it!

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  5. Different seasons of life do change you. 5 months ago I was pretty put together. I still had my stressful days but I was pretty in control. Fast forward 5 months and now I'm pregnant with my 3rd child after not being pregnant for 5 years. Now I'm a mess. I'm so very happy that I'm pregnant and adding another sweet child to our family but I have been so feeling so crappy I can't get it together. My house is a mess, my children have been watching more tv then I would like them to and I barely can even put a meal together. So thank you for being real and admitting that right now you don't have it all together. Sometimes watching the moms that seem to have super clean homes and look "put together" makes me feel even worse sometimes.

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    1. Congratulations!! Being pregnant when trying to keep up with older children is hard! You can do it mama!

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  6. I love your channel because your inspiration, you're a real mom, woman just like us. I think we all try to keep a clean house, low or no pikes of laundry, feed our families the best but reality is not that. It's nice to strive for it but realistically life is busy. I would love to still watch your videos, I loved them all. Your pile of laundry did not bother me, bc I can relate, your quick dinners didn't bother me, but gave ideas, bc I can relate to the hectic schedules, your planning times inspired me to set aside some time to do what I like, and what keeps me above water. I'm glad you're enjoying family because before the Internet and everything else that's what people had. But don't feel like you have to keep a clean house for us or you can't film, if people don't want to watch bc your videos aren't about organizing then they can unsubscribe but I think most watch bc they enjoy you, you're an inspiration!!

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  7. I was wondering where you went! I'm sorry that it's been stressful, but you come across so real on video. I don't think you realize how inspirational and motivating you are!

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    1. Wow, Gina, you know how much of a role model in this crazy online world you are to me. So your comment means so much. I hope we can connect again soon.

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  8. Don't be ashamed for one second because we are all there too! I have 5 kids and most days feel like I am just treading water. I love to see real moms out there livin' and lovin' their babies as best they can. Please keep sharing!

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  9. I love your you tube channel and who you and your family are! I am a retired old lady but LOVE watching your family. I was in the same boat as you. I still have a messy house...dinners out...piles of laundry...I could go on and on! I do hope you continue to share vlogs.

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  10. Do you want the truth? I'm a mom of 2 and MY house is a disaster. I'm in the same boat, and I would MUCH prefer to watch videos from you that make me feel like I'm not the only one. I adore your personality and your daily vlogs. Organization stuff and tips are nice, but PLEASE show us the real nitty gritty. We're ALL there with you. I'd love to spend those 5 minutes escaping my own reality for yours. :) Love you lots and have missed you!

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  11. You make a lot of choices that I wouldn't make, but I'm totally fine with that. Every mom/parent makes the choices they believe to be best for their family at the time. Slave over a meal or grab a quick dinner so you can spend the time enjoying your kids? That one is a no brainer as well as many others. I have missed seeing videos from you, but I get where you're coming from. In my world my "audience" is made up of friends and family and somehow they have the misconception that I have it all together. It makes me feel like I set the standard and considering I never feel like I'm hitting the mark that is a lot of pressure. I can only imagine that you feel so much more responsibility having such a larger audience, but I want to encourage you that there are people like me who watch you, knowing we are seeing the side of you which is trying to and sometimes achieving the highest marks, but that we all know and accept the side of you that sometimes falls short. It's what makes you relatable and encouraging. Hope to see you more in my feed! Take care!

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    1. That is so awesome that we can be different and do things different but still have that connection as mothers, and appreciate one another! Thank you so much for your comment

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  12. Thank you for being real. That is the reason I follow you. I like watching a mom who fully admits that she does have it all together. No mother does. I don't at all. My house is a disaster and I have 2 kids, stay at home and am going to grad school online. Life is hard. YouTube helps us feel that we as moms are not alone when other mothers seem to have it all together. You have a beautiful family and you seem so awesome and genuine. Just keep showing your real self. When you get back to being organized we will cheer you on and if you don't we will cheer you on. Thank you for sharing so much of your life already. I have been thinking of starting a channel but have felt like I needed to have it together and maybe you just gave me the boost I needed to say that "hey, I don't have it all together but come join me as I try to figure it out and watch me bitch when I get overwhelmed."

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    1. A mom who does not have it all together. See even in typing I'm a mess.

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  13. Thank you for being real. That is the reason I follow you. I like watching a mom who fully admits that she does have it all together. No mother does. I don't at all. My house is a disaster and I have 2 kids, stay at home and am going to grad school online. Life is hard. YouTube helps us feel that we as moms are not alone when other mothers seem to have it all together. You have a beautiful family and you seem so awesome and genuine. Just keep showing your real self. When you get back to being organized we will cheer you on and if you don't we will cheer you on. Thank you for sharing so much of your life already. I have been thinking of starting a channel but have felt like I needed to have it together and maybe you just gave me the boost I needed to say that "hey, I don't have it all together but come join me as I try to figure it out and watch me bitch when I get overwhelmed."

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  14. You're awesome and your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom! A picture perfect tidy house and home cooked meal every night isn't what's important or even realist for that matter. Your kids will always remember and cherish the time you spent with them well into their adulthood. So enjoy every minute of the chaos because before you know it your kids will be all grown up. I'm a happily married mom of two, who was in your shoes 10 years ago. At that time I worked part time, volunteered at my kids school, was active in the PTO, my son played little league & my daughter was in dance & girl scouts. Our house wasn't tidy and we made many late night trips through a drive-thru for a quick dinner. Now my son is in college and my daughter is a senior in HS and will be graduating and moving onto college in the fall. To this day they always tell my husband and I how much they love and appreciate that we have always been involved and supportive of whatever activity they were into. Looking back now I miss those chaotic days.

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  15. Then go ahead and share the real you! I know I'd love you more for that! No shame in being real! As a viewer, I really couldn't relate on how organized and put together you were but I continued to watch because it inspires me to be more like you and when I couldn't, I felt a little bit of a failure. But hurray for messy homes and mountains of laundry and take-outs! It just means it's okay to not be supermom and perfect! All the more inspiring for me....

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  16. We are all human. As a YouTube subscriber I like seeing real everyday life. You live 45 mins from me so I understand how hectic you truly are. Traffic out there is insane. Keep up great vlogs and show us the real you now

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  17. I truly appreciate you and all your videos. I know where you're coming from, as well as many of the other moms on here who have commented. Watching YouTube moms, like yourself, helps me get through some days! Hugs!

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  18. Sharing the real moments as a mom, just shows the truth..how hard it is to be a mom. Love your blog&vlogs. Helps us other moms stay sane knowning we all have a little something in common.. Hope you continue to share your beautiful family & journey with us!

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  19. I love this!! We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Who cares about the mess and the food?! Your family is happy and healthy and that's what matters. I love that you wrote this post and I'm excited to read/watch more. Thanks for your honesty!

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  20. This post right here is why i have enjoyed your blog / you tube since I found you. I have always thought, damn she has it together but with a bit of knowing how insane it really is. Thanks for being honest. Thanks for being you. Thanks for sharing.

    Miki

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  21. I love this because it's relatable. I don't have a YouTube channel so I can't say that I relate to your feelings of feelings fake to viewers but I can SO relate to how it feels to realize that the season of life that you just got used to is suddenly changing! Your right about routine and order helps moms survive when we have little kids and babies but as those babies get older and they start becoming involved in their own things, the order and routine just doesn't work anymore. What works is figuring out how hang on as we follow them and support them in all the great opportunities they get to participate in. Perfect meals, cutsie chore charts, labeled homework areas and all that other stuff that worked a few years ago just seems like extra work now. What works now is hot dogs at the ball field and congratulating myself when I do laundry more than once a week! What works for me now is accepting that the crazy is what's working for us at this season of my life.

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  22. I love everything about this. This is why, when I found your channel, you quickly became a favorite of mine. You are so real, you roll with whatever happens to be going on, and you always try your best for your family. I love to watch your perseverance, even when its just laundry you are working on conquering-I admire that about you. All these things motivate and inspire me, as a mom of three kids with similar ages. Glad to see you are doing well, just rolling with this new season in your life.

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  23. I think its great! maybe because I only started watching you when the periscopes started but thats the reason I liked watching. Your life was a little crazy busy but you were coping like the rest of us and willing to share that in an enjoyable fashion. Love watching your journey :)

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  25. I love this blog post! I started watching your channel on an episode called something like 'staying motivated when you're sick' and I was intrigued and amazed at how productive you were even when you were feeling poorly. I find you so much more relatable now, but I have loved all seasons of your life. The organised ones give me inspiration, the chaotic ones help me feel like I'm not alone and my shortcuts are ok. However you decide to share going forward, I'll be watching :)

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  26. I love this blog post and the honesty. I think most women worry about being perfect and having it all together. I love to see the whole spectrum of videos because that shows real life and that's what I enjoy. Thanks for continuing to share your story and your life!

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  27. Sam you have such high expectations of yourself! I have 0 kids, 0 pets, 0 house, 0 spouse...just me and a tiny studio apartment. You want to see a messy kitchen....come on down to casa de Andrea! I am type A and thrive in clean-organized enviornments, so we life gets messy, it really throws me off. I don't know you and all the other mom's do it! Love you and everything you share. You have motivated me to clean up and organize messes in my own life, that have helped me clear up space and re-focus my attention. Thanks for everything you share!

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  28. I can absolutely relate to how you've been feeling. I also have three kids (recently 10, 7 and 3) and am a SAHM. As the kids get older, schedules get crazier. There is less time spent at home just chillin'. We often grab the quick dinner so we can get through that and then spend some time playing together. I feel like I'm finally settling into a new groove which of course means that it's about to change again. Haha. I enjoy watching you and your kids, seeing your piles of laundry (you have nothing on mine), your simple meal ideas, etc. Thanks for sharing.

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  29. Wow Sam, looks like you hit a wall and none of us saw it come. I think you channel and Periscope is amazing. I am a mom of 8, and live on a farm. Type A, and OCD but no one informed the cows about this.....so life trots on. I don't YouTube because I could never be as interesting as you. People love you as you. Just keep up the good work and enjoy the journey.

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