When having a platform scares the crap out of you…..

Here I am 9 years into blogging and almost 3 years into my YouTube journey.   Over those years I have consistently reached more and more people.  While a number is just that…. a number, the people behind that number I think about often.  Over 30,000 of you on Youtube and 25,000 between Instagram and Facebook have decided that what I have to share and contribute is worth you taking a bit of your day to read or watch.  And that, well thinking about that is what started my pull back.  I am sure most of you are busy people.  Mostly moms, and a lot of you have young children like me.  That 5 minutes of reading what I have to say started to scare me. That is valuable time you are spending on....me.  It wasn’t that I was oversharing, or being to personal.  It wasn’t even those annoying “haters” who just have to comment about our food, or my messy house, or how I care for my children.  what scares me is the fact that your time is precious to you, or at least it should be….. and you are deciding to spend it with me.  

  Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that.  I wish we could all be BFF’s and go to lunch and chat for hours…. but my thought immediately goes to being transparent while still protecting my personal space and family.  I want you to see that our life isn’t perfect.  I want to share about our hard times and the fact that I DO NOT have it all together. 
 
But that is HARD.  

Being judged is HARD
 
Admitting your house is a disaster is HARD.  

Telling thousands of people who most likely started following you because of your organized, put together life intrigued them is the HARDEST

 The fact is, I have changed.  My homework station is non-exsistent, my closets are a mess, my routines are all over the place, my meals are out of a box, my life is chaos…. 

A happy, amazing, wonderful, full of energy chaos.  

Seeing the transition start to happen wasn’t easy for me.  Seeing it play out on camera was even harder…. But you know what,  It’s our story…. it’s my story.  As a woman, mother and housewife.  

So I will continue to share it.

The truth is, our family is happier than ever. Our schedules may be busy, but we get to spend so much time with the people we love.  We are on the go which means most nights dinner is not something I have been slaving over for hours.  Our life used to be so routine, so.....bland.  Is bland bad, no not at all.  When our children were little bland worked, bland is what kept me sane.  It is so true that there are seasons to life and right now our just is extra spicy :)  

How will I continue to share?  That I am still trying to figure out.  I pulled back because I was afraid I was portraying myself as a supermom when that is far from what I feel like.  I felt..... FAKE.  My real life friends see my messy house, heck their kids help make the mess...lol.  They see my toddler throw a fit over cookies.  They see me choose going out over cooking for my family.  The see me.  The real me, and I don't think it's fair to not share that with all of you.  I am not ashamed of it in real life, so why would I be ashamed of my laundry piles and messy van online?